Take the “I” Out of TMI

Posted in: Blog, Healthy Lifestyle by Pamela on January 23, 2012

Too much information running through my brain . . . Too much information makes me insane. 

~ Sting, the English musician

He’s right — Too Much Information can be just too much! Taking the I out of TMI (Too Much Information) is a word of advice not just in person, but especially in today’s technological age.  We need to think about just where we draw the line on just what is just TOO PERSONAL to share – especially on the Internet. 

Think of all the information we share: photos, addresses, opinions, and personal details, among other things.  This instant access to information is available through a myriad of channels: personal advertising, music, YouTube, email, Twitter, Facebook, blogs, LinkedIn, MySpace.  Do we really need to know everything? Right now?

We have created an uncensored culture that greedily demands “tell me everything, and I’ll Google what I don’t understand.”

People may be inclined to say more on the Internet because they have a false sense of security borne of perceived anonymity. This may also embolden a writer to tailor his words to suit the anticipated audience, without much thought to who else will read it, or how it may be taken in the future.

How do we know if what we’re reading is fact or fiction?  For example, think about the personal information posted on a dating site; there is no guarantee that the reported attributes of some potential love object are completely accurate.  Ninety-eight percent true is still a lie. But is it necessary or even possible to be a hundred percent honest all the time?

Use caution being an “over-sharer”

We share because we want people to like us, to validate, support or absolve us from something. We create a drama that demands attention.

We often find that, when we begin sharing “juicy” details, there tends to be an almost perverse or guilty pleasure for both the divulger and the divulgee. The feeling of needing to share or find out more and more has an addictive quality.

The secrets, and perhaps unseemly parts of the story are what we long to tell and hear; there is a special feeling of connecting when we reveal our deepest and darkest self.

Remember — you can’t take it back!

With the rapidity of technology, we have lost contact with our internal pause button. It’s easy to go one sentence too far, and find yourself blurting out some intimate personal detail, which is actually irrelevant to the conversation.

If you feel like you’re bonding when early in a relationship, you want to share your struggle with depression, financial problems, or the digressions of your ex; it’s probably a little premature.

Learn to use the “litmus test”– if you wouldn’t want another person to see it, hear it, or know it, don’t share it.

Ask yourself these questions:  “If to tell? Whom to tell? And What to tell?”

If to tell?

If you have had a clandestine affair, for example, and want to have a good marriage and be loving and compassionate toward your spouse –keep your mouth shut, clean up your act, and refocus on investing in loving your partner.  Work on a don’t ask/don’t tell policy.  This is certainly not meant to condone poor behavior, but if a situation is in the past, leave it there unless it’s relevant and constructive to improving a relationship.  Ask yourself “for what purpose am I sharing this?”

Whom to tell?

One of the measures of with whom to share intimate information is to think about it on a “need to know basis.”  There’s nothing wrong with withholding information to preserve your privacy (again, unless it’s illegal or immoral).  On the other hand, if you need to share in order to help sort out your feelings and behaviors, then you might find solace with a professional or spiritual guide.

What to tell and How to tell it?

Once you share a situation, especially a chronic problem, people’s compassion tends to burn out over time.  They may ask how you’re doing, but they really don’t want all the details; they get on with their life, and experience a sort of compassion fatigue over time. One grieving client, when asked how he’s doing, has learned to give an innocuous response such as: “so so,” or asks:  “do you really want the details?” Discover who your ‘‘go to people” are, those upon whom you can rely when things are rough.

In general, sharing some personal information is healthy; it helps people to connect on common ground, and get to know each other. The personal is often universal, and by sharing our story, we bond with others through the threads of our lives.

Points to remember:

• Personal privacy is necessary and important.
• Learn to manage and understand your own feelings before you share them with others.
• Become comfortable with the part you played in the situation you’re sharing, and how it affects you.
• Don’t share things about others that you wouldn’t say to their face.
• Only share when there’s a mutual benefit for you and the listener.

Just be real. When all the above points are in place, then by all means open your heart and share from your soul.

To learn more about communication and relationships check, out my book:

Healthy Lifestyle Path of Wellness, http://bit.ly/j0i1iq

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